Why Are People Mean on Social Media?

For now, I’m here. I post on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. My brand is faith-based mental health with a side order of theology. I’m an author, and social media presence is part of the publishing continuum. I’m also an elder member of the family of God, and I take that leadership role seriously, guided by the biblical counsel to “warn those who are unruly, comfort the fainthearted, uphold the weak, be patient with all” (1 Thessalonians 5:14).

In my posts, I divide my time between encouraging the wounded and speaking truth into a world of lies. I try to be courageous enough to offend but empathic enough to not want to offend. That tension between truth and love can be difficult to hold because some still believe the lies that wounded them. And to be fair, I’m a flawed person with a lot to learn about communication.

I love the vigorous discussions we have here. For example, I learned much when we discussed immigration a couple of weeks ago. (Then my husband got sick, and I had to move on.) It’s good to debate and even disagree, iron sharpening iron, arguing in good faith with one another as we try to understand an issue. That is at least part of why we’re here on social media, right?

But I admit some comments astonish me. Some seem bent on putting the worst possible construction on things said by me and others. Some seem to troll around looking for a fight. Even some people I’ve enjoyed visiting with in person seem bent on fighting with me online. What gives? Why are people so mean on social media?

Turns out there is a succinct explanation. It’s called the online disinhibition effect, where people express themselves more freely online than they do in person. There’s a toxic form of this which leads people to be more hostile and aggressive than normal. Apparently, looking into the eyes of another person activates the dopaminergic and other neurochemical systems, priming the brain for affiliation. Without that in-person contact, we don’t collaborate as well. We become scrappier and less capable of seeing people holistically. We silo into warring political sides and ingroup/outgroup states of enmity. “Oh, she’s one of THOSE!” we say, thinking we know the person’s entire mind from a few 35-character posts. We make assumptions when inquiry would reveal an entirely different picture. We make enemies rather than friends.

I’m not leaving just yet because most of you, even the ones I disagree with, are so stinkin’ fun to talk to. Let’s keep the party going. Let’s remember that this form of communication comes with liabilities that could, if unchecked, cut loose our worst selves. Let’s let our posts and comments be “always with grace, seasoned with salt” (Colossians 4:6).